An open letter to the machines that think they know us — and the humans who still believe in being human.

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Dear Algorithms,

Look. We need to talk.

I know you mean well. You’re just doing your job — indexing, recommending, optimising, tracking my bounce rate like a neurotic squirrel guarding a pile of acorns.

But let me say this as kindly as possible:

I’m not a click.

I’m not “traffic.”

I’m not your keyword-stuffed fantasy user who spends 47 seconds on a page and converts into a pixel-perfect conversion.

I’m a person.

And I get it. You want to serve me better. You want to show me things I “might also like.”

But here’s the thing: just because I once Googled “best way to boil an egg” does not mean I want 19 affiliate links to egg timers haunting me for eternity.

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Stop Guessing. Start Listening.

See, there’s a weird assumption baked into most of modern tech — that we are predictable. Programmable. Hackable. That every human interaction can be reduced to a funnel, a persona, or an algorithmic pattern.

But we’re not formulas. We’re mess. Glorious, contradictory, emotional chaos.

Sometimes I want depth. Sometimes I want memes.

Sometimes I want advice. Sometimes I just want to be heard.

And that’s the whole point, isn’t it? The web was supposed to connect us, not corral us.

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SEO: Stop Optimising Me to Death

To all the bloggers and brands trying to game the system with AI-written fluff, keyword density voodoo, and headlines like “YOU WON’T BELIEVE #6” — please stop.

You’re not helping the algorithm.

You’re feeding it junk food.

You want real engagement? Say something real. Say it with teeth. Say it like you’re talking to one person — not trying to impress the invisible eye of Googlebot overlord.

Because guess what? I read stuff with my eyes.

Not Google’s.

And if I like it, I’ll read more. I’ll comment. I’ll even share it with that one friend who still checks email.

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Data Doesn’t Know Me

Just because I clicked on a productivity article at 2:17 AM while spiralling doesn’t mean I want to be part of the “5AM Club.”

Just because I bought a torch last year doesn’t mean I now need 72 torches, a solar-powered campsite, and Bear Grylls’ autobiography.

That’s not personalisation. That’s laziness disguised as intelligence.

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What Now?

Maybe the real solution isn’t smarter algorithms.

Maybe it’s braver humans.

People who write like they mean it.

People who talk like they care.

People who build digital spaces that say, “Hey, you’re not a click — you’re someone worth knowing.”

So if you’re reading this — hello, human.

I see you.

Thanks for not being a bot.

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Your Turn

What’s the most annoying thing tech assumes about you?

Drop it below. Comment like a human. I’ll read it like one too.